What If They Gave an Election and No One Came?

Congratulations, political and media accomplices, you’ve finally done it. You’ve broken the American people; and, not coincidentally, during the era of When Clowns Roamed the Earth.

Decades upon decades of entrenchment by the parties and their self-serving apparatchiks who lead this parade of false choices, false dichotomies, and false truths has rendered the American political system so vacuous and the people so intellectually catatonic that we now have the privilege of choosing one of these two clowns to be the next Maximum Leader.

Sure, despite the best efforts of the Elephants and the Asses, two other candidates did manage to make the ballot. Yet they are so staggeringly unserious they make Dozo and Chillary seem almost dignified.

The final four is a net zero. It’s not even a quasi-Hobson’s choice between corrupt and/or inept or nothing. We can’t guarantee nothing; the best we can hope for is inept.

Perhaps this is the inevitable conclusion of statism masquerading as democracy. But, make no mistake: the system isn’t broken. It functions exactly as it was intended by the leechers who benefit from it.

So, thank you, you conniving, corrupt, unctuous, venal, hypocritical, mendacious, malfeasant, duplicitous, narcissistic, bloodthirsty, partisan, pandering, embezzling, obfuscating, smug, sociopathic, sanctimonious, imperious, rapacious, miserable odious bastards. You know who you are. And if you don’t, you’re doubly abhorrent.

And to the American people who have let this system rot to the wretched extent that it has, we echo the words of William Kingdon Clifford:

There is one thing in the world more wicked than the desire to command, and that is the will to obey.