Vanity Hair

Graydon Carter, eminent erudite editor of Vanity Fair, has some advice for pubescent Americans and our electoral shenanigans in his latest piece entitled “Man Up, America!” Read his penetrating analysis here.

Or don’t. You will have learned as much either way.

For those of you smart stupid enough to have skipped it, here are the salient points:

• The anger among the electorate is palpable. And all so very gauche.
• The “attendant hatred” for Obama has more to do with Him being black than being a Marxist. Because we Americans only want our country destroyed by white guys.
• Angry yokels in flyover country have guns. Lots of guns.
• Idiots enraged into voting are simply hormonal teenagers. With mortgages.
• Christine O’Donnell is not only “deranged” but—get this—she “has no talent for lawmaking”.

Talent! Now “lawmaking” requires talent. Yes. In related news, Simon Legree had no talent for human resource management.

• The blogosphere is “seething” (typed the furious blogger, through clenched teeth.)
• Deep in Mordor there lies an organization known as “Fox News” which has “martinets” who “marshal forces”. Ooooooh.

For you troglodytes who may be unfamiliar with Graydon, here is a comprehensive primer.

1. Graydon Carter is a journalist.
2. Graydon Carter’s first name is Graydon. (Okay, actually, Ed. But Graydon sounds so much more cerebral and sophisticated, n’est-ce pas? It is a nominal strategy not unlike the one employed by Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esq.)
3. Graydon Carter splits his time—believe it or not—between Manhattan and Connecticut.
4. Graydon Carter has a hairstyle from no known period in history. And from no known gender.

Most amusing of all: Graydon Carter is Canadian. And he’s telling us to man up. Tough talk from a guy who wakes up every day looking just a little bit more like Barbara Bush.

The concluding line of his piece:

America, you have it pretty damned good. Smile.

Yeah, Ed, and we’d like to keep it that way. That’s exactly what this election was all about.