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Disaster Cleanup: Full Speed Astern!

June 18, 2010 Posted by Aristophanes Gulf Oil Spill, Politics No Comments

After only 58 days of arms-crossed finger pointing, Lord Obama has snapped into action and cleared the way for more skimmers to begin cleaning the oil spill in the Gulf.

Well, almost. When the skimmers began coming out in force, the Coast Guard halted their effort en masse to inspect the barges for the proper complement of life-vests and fire extinguishers. Because, you know, we wouldn’t want to have some sort of safety-related disaster in the Gulf.

Apparently, the Environmental Proscription Agency has yet to discover that these boats include hidden engines that propel them through the water by the burning of fossil fuels. In order to avoid compounding one environmental disaster with another, expect an EPA directive authorizing only wind-powered skimmers to be used in the cleanup. Picture catamarans trailing Huggies® Jeans diapers — which would be less ludicrous than the commercial for them (or your child actually wearing them).

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