Dig, Dug

Pity Harry Reid.

He’s craven. He’s criminally negligent. He’s been living on a fixed income. He’s less commanding than a cardigan-clad Mr. Rogers. He’s less rooted in reality than a cardigan-clad Mr. Rogers chillin’ with King Friday in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. And yesterday, fighting for his political life, he endured the greatest indignity of all: a Nevada campaign appearance by The ‘Rack. Said the Smoker-in-Chief to the assembled throng at Orr Middle School:

Harry is not the flashiest guy, let’s face it. Harry kind of speaks in a very soft voice. He doesn’t move very quickly. He doesn’t give stem-winding speeches.

With all undue respect, Your Highness, we disagree. Here is Harry on the Edward Andrew Aortic Aneurysm Show at his ‘stem-winding’ best:

What could be more exciting, thrilling, gripping, spine-tingling or, yes, ‘stem-winding’ than single-handedly snatching the worldwide economy from the jaws of depression?

And what white magic did Harry summon to perform this unprecedented economic miracle? Graciously, Reid divulged the secret to the enraptured middle-schoolers:

We found ourselves in a hole that I didn’t dig, but I have dug, dug and dug to try to get out of that hole.

Oh, wait; our bad. Apparently, Reid really is dull, mousy and slow. (A thousand apologies, O Anointed One.)

Perhaps Harry was referencing one of those mythical shovel-ready jobs previously touted then disavowed by Lord Obama. Regardless, someone needs to instruct Reid in the rules of proper shovel use:

Rule 1 – Digging, digging and digging while in a hole simply results in a deeper hole.
Rule 2 – See rule 1.
Rule 3 – Inability to comprehend rules 1 and 2 qualifies one to be Senate majority leader.

Once again, our bad. Apparently, Reid knows exactly what he’s doing. But all good things must come to an end.

Game over, Harry. By the force of your hubris, malfeasance and general skin-crawling wimpiness, you saved the world got the high score. You’ve played all the quarters we had; we’re broke. Now, climb to the surface and go home where the Pookas and Fygars can’t hurt you anymore.