Applied Cynicism

Never Let A Good Tragedy Go To Waste

Diogenes — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 17:23:16 +0000

Right on cue, Maximum Leader Obama, Maximum Mormon Romney and other political opportunists who happen to be running for office and need the polling bump, have weighed in on Trayvon Martin, helpfully pointing out that the shooting death of a child is a tragedy. Where would we be without politicrats proclaiming with boldness the obvious? The squinting Muppet, Newt Gingrich, offered this bit of critical analysis to the pompous Piers Morgan:

I think that Americans can . . . → Read More: Never Let A Good Tragedy Go To Waste

Ease on Down the Rhode

Lucian — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 21:43:06 +0000

This is a public service announcement for Joe “BFD” Biden fans everywhere. Yes, both of you.

On Thursday, according to his office, the adroit vice president will be attending campaign events in the local Connecticut/Massachusetts easement and state of the Union known as Road Island.

Then he is off to Greece where he is scheduled to admire the Colossus of Roads, possibly because he is unaware that the landmark was destroyed in 226 BCE.

This . . . → Read More: Ease on Down the Rhode

Rhetorical Assassin

Juvenal — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 21:18:51 +0000

As the Bard once wrote, Biden is the soul of wit. Or maybe that was brevity. No matter; the two are essentially synonymous.

Recently, Vice President Joe “BFD” Biden has been touring the Middle Credit Realm, making public appearances. Obviously, the plan is to shock the Chinese government into a state of bemused catatonia in a desperate effort to forestall U.S. foreclosure.

Well. Mission accomplished.

To paraphrase Cicero: All China was charmed with the sweetness of his . . . → Read More: Rhetorical Assassin

Blurred Visionary

Mencken — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:06:54 +0000

Lord Obama enthralled attendees during His appearance yesterday at George Washington University with an oration expounding on His deficit and debt reduction plan. It was official because He was flanked by dimly lit American flags and broadcast on the cable network juggernaut C-SPAN3. Apparently C-SPAN couldn’t break away from its coverage of the House draperies being steam cleaned and C-SPAN2 was running a Book TV episode from 1998.

Weighing in at 5,442 words, the address was . . . → Read More: Blurred Visionary

Congressional Mettle

Diogenes — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 15:03:01 +0000

This is two-fisted, bare-chested spending reform in action. This is trimming the budget with a flaming stump grinder. This is eviscerating the slobbering federal hydra with gleaming steel. In 3-D.

Abdicating their responsibility to pass a budget in September, craven Democrats have ensured this comical cavalcade of Continuing Resolutions (which is fitting because if there is one word that describes Congress it is “resolute”, continually). In addition, Democrats have set the stage for Smoker of the . . . → Read More: Congressional Mettle

You’re Invited: To a Celebration of Your Own Demise

Lucian — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:12:37 +0000

Fresh joy via Drudge:

Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the United States House of Representatives requests the pleasure of your company at a reception honoring the Accomplishments of the 111th Congress on Wednesday, the tenth day of November, two thousand ten at three thirty in the afternoon Cannon Caucus Room 345 Cannon House Office Building

Party sounds like a ‘Capitol’ idea, Nan. Don’t forget the clown hammer.

HIGH FIVE, AMERICA. COME ON.

. . . → Read More: You’re Invited: To a Celebration of Your Own Demise

Vanity Hair

Lucian — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 01:57:20 +0000

Graydon Carter, eminent erudite editor of Vanity Fair, has some advice for pubescent Americans and our electoral shenanigans in his latest piece entitled “Man Up, America!” Read his penetrating analysis here.

Or don’t. You will have learned as much either way.

For those of you smart stupid enough to have skipped it, here are the salient points:

The anger among the electorate is palpable. And all so very gauche. The “attendant hatred” for Obama has . . . → Read More: Vanity Hair

The Elocutioner’s Song

Juvenal — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 19:30:52 +0000

In a stunning upset, Barney Frank won his Massachusetts seat for the 113th time. As always, Chowds, great job.

Afterward, Frank addressed a cheering throng of 27 at his palatial campaign headquarters.

For those of you despondent, contemplating suicide but lacking the courage, we suggest you watch this video in its entirety. Should your head remain unexploded by minute six, certainly by minute eight you will have run screaming from the room into an oncoming . . . → Read More: The Elocutioner’s Song

Monetary Lapse of Reason

Bierce — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 07:04:48 +0000

Add to the impressive decision list of the smartest political regime since oatmeal, this wonderful piece of news. The Fed has just dumped another $600 billion into that jagged, yawning sinkhole informally known as the U.S. economy.

This would seem to be a particularly hollow gesture, given the bounteous economic miracles already wrought by the supple hand of Lord Obama. But it gets better.

The paltry six-hundred-thousand million dollar infusion was done through a process . . . → Read More: Monetary Lapse of Reason

When J.M. Kenya Speaks, People Listen

Lucian — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 04:48:33 +0000

On Saturday, Jon Stewart held The Rally to Restore Sanity in that mecca of reason, Washington, D.C.

Well, consider sanity restored:

This is in no way indicative of the education, perception, intelligence, brainpower, reasoning, judgment, comprehension, acumen, wit, insight, discernment, astuteness, intellect, acuity, awareness, cognition or walking-while-chewing-kool-aid-at-the-same-time ability of these concerned rally-goers, who are simply channeling their inner Susan Powter.

So just shut up, all y’all.

The shrill Mensa member with the . . . → Read More: When J.M. Kenya Speaks, People Listen