If you feel compelled to correspond with any of us here at Applied Cynicism HQ, please use the following form provided for your convenience.
Inspired by the federal government’s exceedingly efficient approach to the handling of necessary business through impenetrable and gratuitous bureaucratization, we’ve developed the Department of Efficacy in Transmission, Conveyance, Divulgence, Disclosure and Dissemination which has oversight of the Bureau of Non-Traditional Correspondence which is the main regulatory agency charged with eliminating waste and redundancy in the Communicatory Oversight Agency that, of course, directly directs in a thorough and direct manner our Division of Internal Monologue which is responsible for the sending and receiving of email correspondence. At this time, barring devastating budget cuts, we estimate your emails will be answered by the next available agent at least ten minutes before the planet explodes because you were too selfish to buy curlycue fluorescent light bulbs.