No One Expects The Waxman Inquisition!

Yes, that’s right. If you thrill to the spectacle of professional leeches like Waxworm grilling people over matters of which he knows nothing just because, as the ranking member of the House Committee on Political Grandstanding, he can, then certainly you’ve already been enraptured by the C-SPAN coverage.

The gist of the hearing is that Henry Waxman is going to make Tony Haward pay for the crime of not being Henry Waxman. Along with his two security nostrils Spike and Bruno — as always, poised to inhale and neutralize any threat — Grand Inquisitor Waxman grilled BP chief Haward over why he personally directed his company to deliberately permit an unforeseen accident to occur.

Pure and simple, this was a show trial designed to make the government appear to be doing something about the disaster in the Gulf. In reality, the government has done much — all of it wrong or ill-advised. Which is surprising. But enough about soul-crushing bureaucracy. The focus here is on one craven lawyer who makes that bureaucracy so appealing.

Henry Waxman: his intellect is exceeded only by his height. Fear him. Here he is, in six-inch heels, flanked by two seventh-graders on their knees showcasing gold medals awarded for being voted Most Diminutive in their class.

HENRY ARNOLD WAXMAN: TOWERING SPECIMEN, TOWERING INTELLECT.

Waxman ‘represents’ the 30th Congressional District of California. For you ignorant hicks who comprise the rest of the country, that district includes Bel Air, Malibu, Santa Monica, West Hollywood and Beverly Hills. You may be asking, how is it that a man this grotesque can get elected and re-elected from the district of The Beautiful People for 35 years? It’s a real head-scratcher, but it just may have something to do with pork. We base that assertion not on his uncannily porcine appearance but rather on a leaked campaign memo that details the jingle that he is planning to use in commercials this election. Lyrics include:

I can bring home bring home the bacon,
fry it up in a pan,
and never never never let you forget you’re a man
’cause I’m a Waxman,
W-AX-M-A-N!

I’m Henry Waxman and I approve this message.

The TV spot appears to be a shot-for-shot remake of the old Enjoli commercial. Odd choice.